Navigating the Aftermath: Tips for Post-Meltdown Recovery
To describe autistic meltdowns as distressing doesn’t convey the full experience but is still the best word to describe them. I could throw an adverb in there to enhance it, like incredibly or extremely, but then it begins to feel disingenuous. No, I’ll stick with the general term of distressing and, instead, expand in other areas. For that one guy who finds this page by accident, an autistic meltdown is a difficult thing to define, as it is a personal relationship between a person and their condition. In my case, it looks a lot like an epileptic seizure or, according to multiple ERs, a bad reaction to street drugs. Or a reaction to bad street drugs? I honestly don’t know the difference.
What is easy to define, however, is the aftermath of an autistic shutdown. We are left exhausted, both physically and emotionally. We can feel anxiety due to social embarrassment—if it happened at work, or school, and you have to see those people again. This leaves us feeling overwhelmed, which when paired with the stress of the actual event occurrence, can grow into autistic burnout or can cause a long recovery process. Again, you can’t easily define “long,” because there was a time when I wouldn’t be back to myself for days, then hours, and now minutes—but that comes with years of experience and training—and only a little autistic burnout. Just a smidge. I’ll spend the rest of this post going into some of the specific tools and techniques I use in the days that follow a meltdown, to help me recover sooner. Just because I can function doesn’t mean I’m good.
Prioritize Self-Care
Rest and Relaxation
What are your go-to relaxing hobbies? I play a lot of video games, but in the meltdown aftermath, I’m not playing Call of Duty or Battlefield. I’m playing single player simulation or “cozy” games. This is maybe Railway Empire, Cities Skylines, Planet Coaster, or Stardew Valley. If I have an active subscription to Final Fantasy XIV, maybe I’ll log in and do some crafting.
Other relaxing activities I engage in are reading fantasy novels, nature walks, and baking. This is also a great time to catch up on sleep and go to bed early for a few nights.
Physical Activity
I mentioned nature walks above—this is easily the best type of physical activity to help you get back into a normal place. I find it difficult to walk without purpose, and to avoid making every walk a snack run, I go out on missions. Walk until you see three different-colored flowers. Flowers in someone’s garden do not count. This ensures you pick paths that are close to trees, fields, or other natural sights. If you live in downtown Toronto, this might be harder to achieve, but there are some nice pockets out there. Urban exploration can be a great mission too, though you lose some of that natural touch.
Nourishing Food
It goes without saying “drink more water.” But if you’re anything like me, the days following a meltdown used to be a free-for-all for all the junk food I loved to eat. This perpetuated the bad feelings, as I then have the food guilt of having eaten an entire large pizza in one sitting. I have a problematic relationship with food, so any time I feel down, it’s all too easy to grab the food that tastes good but is horrible for me. But what I’ve learned to do is add, not subtract. So, I add steamed broccoli or steamed mixed vegetables (corn, peas, carrots, green beans, edamame) and eat those with my pizza. Or I make a bowl of oatmeal before I eat a burger, and suddenly I find myself too full to eat two burgers. I am working on repairing my relationship with food, but there is a much bigger issue there that will take time—for now, however, I do my little mix-up to keep things healthier.
Address Emotional Needs
Journaling
I journal in the form of this blog, and then I come back and read through and edit my posts on Wednesdays live on my Twitch channel, so it allows me to revisit ideas and thoughts I had in the weeks prior. It gives me an opportunity to revisit recent feelings and helps me navigate through them in the future.
Lean on Support Systems
I find myself lacking in emotional support, so I’m maybe not the right person to advocate for this. If you have family, or friends, or access to a therapist who specializes in autistic individuals, you might get greater value out of emotional support from the people in your life. I don’t burden my kids with much, but we do have an agreement that if I tell them I need them to come with me somewhere, that means I really need them, and they shouldn’t argue or negotiate. In return, I promised to never abuse this accommodation, and usually they’re going to get something out of the deal—usually it’s a stop at a bakery. But this is less about talking it out and more about having someone to anchor me when I have to do something like grocery shopping or returning something at the mall.
Acceptance
Autistic meltdowns are a valid response to sensory overload or emotional distress. We are not broken. We are different, yes, but not broken. Think about all the strengths your autism brings. Would I give up my exceptional traits to never have to deal with meltdowns again? Even at my worst, I don’t think I would make that trade. I never asked myself, “How do I make this stop?” It’s always been, “How do I overcome this?” because I’ve always believed that if I got rid of something I didn’t like, I would lose something I love about myself. We’re not trying to fix our autism—we’re trying to cope with it in a world that was not built for us.
Regain Control
Sensory Regulation
My greatest tool for regulation is the sound of rain and thunder. I listen to Lindsey Stirling and Sarah Brightman when I want actual music. I don’t seek out stimming tools, but I do recognize that I find things with springs in them and squeeze them without even realizing it. I search for interesting textures or imperfections on furniture—just running my fingers along all the surfaces, looking for things.
Re-establish Routines
Pay your bills! It’s easy to lose direction during and after a meltdown, but the utilities don’t care about that. Set up automatic payments if your account has enough to cover them. I have all of my bills in my calendar two days before they come out of my bills account, so I know when to replenish it. I also keep all my bills a month ahead—so if my cellphone bill is $300/month (four phones, four plans), my account is always at $-300.00 in case something happens. I run a very tight budget, so getting my bills ahead by a month took about six months of slightly higher payments to achieve. Could I invest that money somewhere instead? Sure—but this is an example of protecting myself from dysregulation later, and buys me time when I need to re-establish my routines.
Prepare for the Next Meltdown
It’s inevitable. It’s going to happen again. Once you have control back, start reflecting. Write down (maybe in a journal, maybe in a personalized meltdown plan—give it a cool acronym. Identify triggers, identify the warning signs, and set yourself up in advance. I already mentioned pre-paying bills, but set up a “cozy corner” at home, a place where you can go to be safe, quiet, away from noise. Have a book, a soft lamp, a weighted blanket.. whatever soothes you, and go there when you start to feel “off,” and you might find it delays the time between meltdowns. You’ll never fully eradicate them, but you can slow them down and make them less impactful.
Address Social Concerns
Social Support Network
I joined a support group on Facebook, but unfortunately it was a mess of self-promotion and empty posts. Reddit has some areas, though I haven’t explored them thoroughly. Some cities have local support groups, and while I haven’t explored those yet, I plan to. But you know your limits better than anyone else. I’m waiting to find an autistic friend who is my age and has his own struggles, where we may have some overlap, but we can share our experiences over a sensory-friendly coffee. My problem is, I’m all or nothing with friends. We’re either best friends or we’re acquaintances. This is why maybe support groups are better for me—since there is no confusion. You are with people with shared experiences, but nothing more.
Educate Others
Although my diagnosis is new, that simply gave me the vocabulary I needed to explain my condition to others. I’ve always been autistic, and looking back at every meltdown, every shutdown, every failed social interaction.. it all makes sense now. I can clearly define each and every interaction I’ve ever had with people. What went wrong in my past relationships, why I’m not friends with that guy anymore. Why we seemed better as roommates than friends. Now, I have this blog, where I try to share my knowledge with others, in the hopes that I can provide value to other autistic people and their friends and family. As you explore your own autism, you’ll have an opportunity to share your learning in some way with others. Nobody else is going to teach us—we need to help each other.
Love Yourself
I talked about acceptance above—love yourself means don’t apologize for your autism. Embrace your identity and recognize that meltdowns are a part of your autistic experience. For a lot of us, autism is an invisible disability—don’t let it be invisible. If you use autism as an excuse, “Why did you do that?” “Because I’m autistic.” You’re going to get a negative reception. But if autism is present in everyone’s mind, they won’t need to ask you why you did something, and it won’t sound like an excuse. You do things a little differently, and that’s okay. It’s because you’re autistic, but it’s not because you’re autistic. They’re different, right? At the end of the day, if you are in an environment which isn’t friendly to your condition, leave.
Wrapping Up
You’re here, which means you have something to celebrate. You’re not content to sit there, doing nothing, suffering. Maybe you’re already mid-journey or you’re just beginning. Whatever the case is, I’m proud of you for getting this far. Be patient with yourself during this process. You will get enough impatience from the world around you—don’t inflict that on yourself. There is no time limit. There is no stopwatch. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they seem. A grain of rice is pretty small, but a cup of rice is a meal.
Not everything here is going to work for you. This has been an overview of what worked for me, and I wouldn’t expect it to work for everyone. Maybe you’ve found one or two things that seem promising—try them and come back and leave a comment to let me know how your journey is going. You’ve got this.
